The Dad Factor (Part 1) – Top 6 How To Tips To Raising Happy High Achieving Children
Written by Troy Horne on February 25, 2019
The Dad Factor (Part 1)
(Top 6 How To Tips To Raising Happy High Achieving Children)
There is a thing that I like to call the Dad Factor. It’s a real thing! In our house it’s the “get it right or else” factor. It’s different than the Mom Factor and it is supposed to be. The Dad Factor is the factor that molds children into happy high achieving adults. Some mothers also posses the Dad Factor. (My mom possessed the dad factor and used it like a BAWSE!) However, for the most part this child-molding factor is possessed by the father or male figure in the home. So what exactly is the Dad Factor?
First let’s address who you are and how you fit in this equation. If you are reading this it is probably because you know that you have a world changer or a couple of world changers in your household. You probably want your world changer to live up to his or her full potential. If that is you read on. If that is not you, this article is going to be super frustrating and probably trigger you. So just click away and read a different article. #yourewelcome
For those of you still reading, let’s begin. Let me start by saying that it is super important that you honor your own dad factor. It is essential to raising a high achieving happy child. The current narrative is one that doesn’t support this time tested and proven ideal, but the current narrative also believes that posting on Facebook about your thoughts and concerns is affective activism so… All of that to say, don’t let anyone tell you that the tips that I am about to share with you are irrelevant or outdated. The best barometer is the results you see with their children. If their kiddos are achieving what you hope your kids will achieve then by all means grab a pen and paper and take notes. If not, nod your head and keep it moving.
That being said, let’s get into exactly what the dad factor is and how it works. Your child deserves it.
The 6 Dad Factor Essential How To Tips (Part 1)
1. Have High Expectations: I wanted to start with this one because it is the most important. As a dad your first job is to call BS when your youngster isn’t achieving at the level that you know that they can. No, your job is not to “talk it out” and “reason with them”. Your job is to assess the situation and get straight to the point. Things are either in alignment with the goals that you have set together or they are not. It’s really that simple.
“Let your yea be yea and your nay be nay!”- Matthew 5:37
No, this is not a religious based article. I just think that the ideals expressed here are valid. High expectations are a must!
Summary: High expectations and no modern day mumbo jumbo about talking it out with your 9, 10, 12 or 15 year old BS. You are the adult. Act like it!
2. Goal Setting: “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but they were laying brick every hour.”- Anonymous Now that we discussed tip #1 let’s move into tip #2 OUR Goals. The important word in the previous sentence is OUR! Well, mostly their goals, but currently OUR goals. The “OUR” happens like this. Goal setting should be a joint mission. In our household we tell our kids that the exploration years are from zero to 9 or 10. Those are the years that we try everything under the sun.
- You want to be a singer this week? GREAT!
- Oh you change your mind and now it’s a dancer? OUTSTANDING!
- Oh you changed your mind again and now it’s YouTuber? UH…MAZGING!
However, we tell them that at 9-10years old we are going to have to pick one, set goals and we are going master it. This is what we call our goal-identifying year. This year we go all in on the one thing that they chose non-stop. After the year you can say I don’t want to do this or I want to keep going and chose something else to go into for one year NON-STOP all in! All YEAR!
The rule is… If they say that I want to keep going with their one all in thing after the year, we are all in and we are going for mastery. That means that we are in it until you are 18. This way the goal is child chosen and parent led.
Summary: Explore while they are really young and push towards mastery when they are kinda young all the way to adulthood. There is nothing like mastering a skill to secure future financial stability.
3. Accountability: Accountability is the backbone of having a happy kid. Set milestones to get to where we want to go. Wins are a lot more attainable and manageable in bite size chunks. Many dads set their kids up for failure by wanting the rock star or the valedictorian today. Don’t do that. Set small goals and small wins along the way. If your kid is a C student pushing for an A next report card might be a large feat. Let’s try for a B or B-. ANY B is good! If you are dealing with a young athlete who is usually a 0 points a game type player try setting the goal at 2. Small wins are key!
I will never forget hearing this from pro tip on accountability from one of my child’s earliest teachers.
Dr. Jane Carr said to us: “Children often misbehave or underachieve as a way to test the boundaries. They are always testing to see who is in charge. Their hope is that it is not them! If the find out that they are in charge that is scary. To a child the world is scary enough. Believing that they are in charge makes the scary world even scarier. When children find out that they are not in charge and that an adult or parent is in charge they feel safe. It makes them feel more secure and more relaxed.”
Accountability is a part of their safety factor. When a kid misses the mark they are wondering if anyone is going to hold them accountable. When you do they feel relaxed, safe and happy. So set goals and along the way check in with them letting them know that the deadline is approaching and that you are counting on them to reach their goal. Check in on the way to the goal and ask if they need any help reaching the goal by the deadline. CELEBRATE!!! when they reach their goals and hold them accountable when they don’t.
What holding accountable looks like for a Dad of a High Achieving Happy kid.
When the goal is not reached my suggestion is to be indifferent. Not angry, not sad or disappointed just indifferent. I know that inside you might be fuming or have some other negative emotion, but accountability is a gift best served with a hefty spoon of indifference or celebration.
For instance if you were to walk down the street and stumbled over a raised stretch of sidewalk you wouldn’t beat yourself up for the rest of the day emotionally.
You wouldn’t say… “Man! What is wrong with you. Oh MY GAWD! Don’t you know how to walk? Your walking skills STINK!”
You would be indifferent and keep walking. Why? BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT YOU KNOW HOW TO WALK!! So treat their missing of the goal the same way. You know that they can do it. You know that they can reach the goal so don’t freak out if they don’t. Do the following…
- Reset the goal.
- Talk briefly about why or how they missed it.
- Go for it again!
The emotion happens when they make it! The celebrations from you when they reach their goals (by the deadline) should be OFF THE CHARTS!
Summary: Hold your happy high achieving child accountable for their wins and losses. Be indifferent about the losses and celebrate the wins. You know that they can win so when they lose just adjust.
See you next Monday For Part 2!…